So here we go. I was admitted to MSK NY yesterday and settled in my room at 3pm. Well, not “settled”, more like restless. Not really being able to process what was happening, or what I was doing there, or how I even GOT here! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN (again) AND HOW IS THIS ME, IN THIS BODY, HAVING TO GET A STEM CELL TRANSPLANT?!?! It’s just not fucking fair. Cancer is not fair. I was a good kid growing up, I’m a good wife, I’m a good mom, I’m a good friend…this is pretty much the inner dialogue I had with myself the week leading up to getting here. Along with more tears then I ever thought I had in me.
So, anyway, I’m here, in my room. Alone. I was “ok”, until my first chemo bag was hung. I freaked. I cried and inner monologued, and then was given the gift of Adivan. Sweet, sweet Adivan.
I slept pretty good. Vitals are done very 4 hours and then at 5:50 am I was having blood taken for labs and morning meds and anti nausea drips hooked up. I got to Facetime the boys before they went to school. Then I suited up (mask and gloves) and walked down to the pantry to get a cup of coffee.
I’m trying to establish a routine here, but use inspiration from my home routine. And so far today has lined up nicely. I ordered breakfast, drank my coffee while putting on some makeup, and ate. Same as always.
I was going to shower, but my first chemo drug for the day was being hung and it causes low blood pressure, so my shower had to wait. Physical Therapist came to walk with me for 5 laps around the floor, and by then my next chemo bag was ready to be hung, and then came my shower. (Someone has to be in the room while I shower. Not in the bathroom with me, but in the room cleaning and changing linens and present, incase I fall or something.)
I got dressed, did some needlepoint, and walked the rest of my laps. I’m feeling pretty good, so I added in some lunges too. 10 of them everytime I reached the same stretch of hall, for my remaining 7 laps. 14 laps is a mile and they want you to do it everyday. Today was a good measure for me.
Occupational Therapist visited and we did some congnitive stuff. She tried to make me start at 90 and keep subtracting 7. I couldn’t do it. I have to write that shit out. “83? (Looooong pause) 66? Regroup in my head?!?!?! Are you shitting me?!?!?!?!” Otherwise I did great.
Lunch is ordered. And now you all are filled in.
I get the same 2 chemo meds again tonight. Twice a day thru Monday. Tuesday is a nasty one that causes bad mouth sores. But clinical studies have shown that if you eat a shit ton of ice chips while getting this drug, it helps prevent them. Something about keeping the mouth cold.
Then Wednesday, February 6th, my stem cells will be given back to me. Happy ReBirth Day to me!!! What happens after that, we shall see.
Kids seem to be ok. Jeff has a horrible cold. I’m in the safest place I could be.
Thank you to all of our Meal Train cooks the past 2 weeks. You guys spoil us.
Thank you toTerry for the early mornings and staying with the boys on late nights. Thank you, Cathy, for helping with the boys after school also. They adore both of you ladies and look forward to seeing you every time. 💜
Thank you, everyone, for thinking of me and Jeff and sending positive thoughts our way. Your love and support means so much to our family. 💜💜💜💜💜
Love you all. Thanks for checking in.
Coffee and Chemo 